…that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 2 Corinthians 5:19 NIV

I’ve been deeply wounded by someone, and it’s hard to let it go. The painful conversations make me want to build strong walls around me. I want to protect my heart and my mind from memories of the words spoken, as well as from the possibility of additional hurts. Yet I know the walls that are beginning to form must be torn down. I love the individual. I want our relationship to be good, even better than before. I want to forgive and to be forgiven. Why is reconciliation so hard?

As I’m struggling with my emotions, God keeps directing me through sermons and songs to words of reconciliation and forgiveness.

Jesus forgave. He certainly had the right to be upset and hurt. His family did not believe Him, friends deserted Him, and one even betrayed Him. The religious ones who should have proclaimed Him as the Messiah demanded His execution. Today, we still cause Him grief when we wallow in resentment, anger, unforgiveness, and other forms of disobedience to God.

Sin separates us from the Lord. It breaks the relationship God desires to have with each of us. He could have chosen to leave us in the eternal punishment that justice demanded. Yet His heart was for us to be reconciled to Him through Jesus Christ.

God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Corinthians 5:21 NIV

Jesus willingly left heaven to die on the cross for our sins. Instead of resenting that we would cost Him His life, Jesus sought our reconciliation with God. Jesus still forgives repentant people.

All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation. 2 Corinthians 5:18 NIV

Scripture tell us that reconciliation is the work we are to have as believers in Christ. We are to tell others about Jesus and His salvation and grace. He wants others to know Him and be reunited with God.

It’s hard to share Christ with people who are seeing our bad side. Bitterness, accusations, anger, and sharp words tear people apart instead of bringing unity. My attitude has been anything but Christlike in regards to the individual with whom I’m having difficulty. My confidant who listens to me complain about the situation is not seeing Christ in me either.

Are you like me? Do you have a relationship that needs mending? Do you have someone you need to forgive? Do you need to ask for forgiveness?

How can you and I try to reconcile with others? In reading many articles on reconciliation, I find these traits to be common among them. (Sources at end of text.)

• Seek God’s wisdom, guidance, and strength. Pray!
• Check our motives. Are our motives for reconciliation or for revenge?
• Be humble. Don’t let pride wreck everything. Be honest.
• Thank God for His forgiveness of you.
• Repent. Acknowledge our own wrong in a matter. Choose to change our behavior. The evidence of true repentance is changed conduct.
• Try to understand the other person’s perspective. There are two sides to every conflict. Listen carefully.
• Ask for forgiveness without accusations. “I’m sorry if you were offended” is not an apology.
• Forgive, even if the other person does not ask for forgiveness or acknowledge any wrong.
• Make amends or restitution if needed.
• Forgive our self. God’s forgiveness is complete. See my devotional Attributes of God – F: Forgiving on March 14, 2024 for more on God’s forgiving character and how we are to forgive.
• Establish clear guidelines for the restoration.
• Remember it can take time.
• A counselor may be needed.

I’m seeking reconciliation. What about you?

Oh God, please forgive me for my attitude. Help me to seek forgiveness for my part in any situation. Help me to forgive even if a person does not ask for forgiveness or admit any wrongdoing. Please reconcile our relationship. Please bring this person to You. In the name of Jesus, who brings unity. Amen.

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Scriptures marked NIV are taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION (NIV): Scripture taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®. Copyright© 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™. Used by permission of Zondervan.

Sources on Reconciliation/Restoration:

• Cornell, Steve. “How to Move From Forgiveness to Reconciliation.” The Gospel Coalition TGC. March 29, 2012. thegospelcoalition.org/article/how-to-move-from-forgiveness-to-reconciliation/#:~:text=Jesus%20spoke%20about%20reconciliation%20with,a%20person%20earn%20our%20forgiveness.
• “Reconciliation: Practical Steps to Forgive, Rebuild Relationships.” Accessed August 28, 2024. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyPsdhlWfLE#:~:text=Reassembly%20Required%20Episode%206%20If%20a%20relationship,have%20covered%2C%20along%20with%20a%20new%20one%2C
• Witzig Jr., Ted. “Forgiveness: Part 6 – Steps to Reconciliation. Forgiveness: What It Is, What It Isn’t, and How to Do It.” Apostolic Christian Counseling & Family Services ACCFS. March 24, 2018. https://accounseling.org/relationships/forgiveness/forgiveness-steps-to-reconciliation/#:~:text=Repentance:%20The%20first%20step%20towards,the%20hurt%20that%20he%20caused.